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Literature Text
Any law enacted with more than fifty words contains at least one loophole
Evil is live spelled backwards
God must love stupid people, he made so many of them
When all else fails, read the instuctions
"Push" is the force exerted upon the door marked "Pull"
What some people lack in intelligence, they make up in stupidity
There is a difference between an open mind and a hole in the head
The light at the end of the tunnel could turn out to be the headlight of an oncoming train
A watched pot never boils, unless you light the gas under it
If your parents don't have kids, odds are you won't either
Curiosity kills more mice than cats
Save the whales. Collect the whole set
On the other hand, you have different fingers
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
How many of you believe in psycho kinesis?...Raise my hand
OK...so what's the speed of dark?
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Just remember---if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
Life isn't like a box of chocolates....it's more like a jar of jalapeno's
Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. . . .
A decent pen: $2.99
Package of lined paper: $0.99
Knowing you have homework and "forgetting" about it: Priceless
I'm on a mission to save the world (I can't believe they trusted me with this).
Mirror, mirror on the wall, what the @$#% happened!!!
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t gone to sleep yet.
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
If you don’t talk to your cat about catnip, who will?
Everyone is born right handed, only the gifted overcome it.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
I'm right 90% of the time, so why worry about the other 12%?
Are you too gullible? We can cure you! Send $1,000 to...
My dog thinks I'm crazy. I'll be back when I'm done arguing with him
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone
They call it pms because mad cow disease was already taken
Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death
Work for god………the retirement benefits are great
The world needs messy people; otherwise the neat people would take over
Remember my face; I might need an alibi later
Dear Dorothy,
Hate Ozz, took the shoes,
Find your own way home.
Toto
I took an IQ test……….the results were negative
333…… I’m only half evil
The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity
Make something idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot
Few women admit their age, few men act it
Chocolate: Catnip for the feminine world
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
I'm not paranoid, just terribly, terribly alert....
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS
I brake for... wait... AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!
Evil is live spelled backwards
God must love stupid people, he made so many of them
When all else fails, read the instuctions
"Push" is the force exerted upon the door marked "Pull"
What some people lack in intelligence, they make up in stupidity
There is a difference between an open mind and a hole in the head
The light at the end of the tunnel could turn out to be the headlight of an oncoming train
A watched pot never boils, unless you light the gas under it
If your parents don't have kids, odds are you won't either
Curiosity kills more mice than cats
Save the whales. Collect the whole set
On the other hand, you have different fingers
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
How many of you believe in psycho kinesis?...Raise my hand
OK...so what's the speed of dark?
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Just remember---if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
Life isn't like a box of chocolates....it's more like a jar of jalapeno's
Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. . . .
A decent pen: $2.99
Package of lined paper: $0.99
Knowing you have homework and "forgetting" about it: Priceless
I'm on a mission to save the world (I can't believe they trusted me with this).
Mirror, mirror on the wall, what the @$#% happened!!!
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t gone to sleep yet.
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
If you don’t talk to your cat about catnip, who will?
Everyone is born right handed, only the gifted overcome it.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
I'm right 90% of the time, so why worry about the other 12%?
Are you too gullible? We can cure you! Send $1,000 to...
My dog thinks I'm crazy. I'll be back when I'm done arguing with him
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone
They call it pms because mad cow disease was already taken
Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death
Work for god………the retirement benefits are great
The world needs messy people; otherwise the neat people would take over
Remember my face; I might need an alibi later
Dear Dorothy,
Hate Ozz, took the shoes,
Find your own way home.
Toto
I took an IQ test……….the results were negative
333…… I’m only half evil
The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity
Make something idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot
Few women admit their age, few men act it
Chocolate: Catnip for the feminine world
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
I'm not paranoid, just terribly, terribly alert....
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS
I brake for... wait... AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!
Literature
Funny Poem
Roses are red
violets are blue
sugar is sweet
and so are you
but the roses
are wilting
the violets
are dead
the sugar bowls
empty
and so is
your head
Literature
A Lot Of Funny Little Sayings
1. You have ONE advantage over me..... You can kiss my ss (https://www.deviantart.com/ss) and I can't!
2. Tradgedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
3. You only live once...but if you live it right, once is enough.
4. If your heart was really broken, you'd be dead, so shut up.
5. When a smurf is choking, what color does it turn?
6. The nice mean are ugly, the handsome men are mean, and the nice and handsome men are GAY!
7. When life hands you lemons, alter their DNA, and make SUPER LEMONS!
8. Boys are like lava lamps, pretty to look at, but not very bright.
9. My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems...
10. A
Suggested Collections
some funny sayings
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Comments652
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the idiot proof and others really relate, I'm living proof that you can get scared to death twice lmao. these are awesome