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Any law enacted with more than fifty words contains at least one loophole

Evil is live spelled backwards

God must love stupid people, he made so many of them

When all else fails, read the instuctions

"Push" is the force exerted upon the door marked "Pull"

What some people lack in intelligence, they make up in stupidity

There is a difference between an open mind and a hole in the head

The light at the end of the tunnel could turn out to be the headlight of an oncoming train

A watched pot never boils, unless you light the gas under it

If your parents don't have kids, odds are you won't either

Curiosity kills more mice than cats

Save the whales. Collect the whole set

On the other hand, you have different fingers

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

How many of you believe in psycho kinesis?...Raise my hand

OK...so what's the speed of dark?

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Just remember---if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

Life isn't like a box of chocolates....it's more like a jar of jalapeno's

Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. . . .

A decent pen: $2.99
Package of lined paper: $0.99
Knowing you have homework and "forgetting" about it: Priceless

I'm on a mission to save the world (I can't believe they trusted me with this).

Mirror, mirror on the wall, what the @$#% happened!!!

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t gone to sleep yet.

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

If you don’t talk to your cat about catnip, who will?

Everyone is born right handed, only the gifted overcome it.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

I'm right 90% of the time, so why worry about the other 12%?

Are you too gullible? We can cure you! Send $1,000 to...

My dog thinks I'm crazy. I'll be back when I'm done arguing with him

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone

They call it pms because mad cow disease was already taken

Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death

Work for god………the retirement benefits are great

The world needs messy people; otherwise the neat people would take over

Remember my face; I might need an alibi later

Dear Dorothy,
Hate Ozz, took the shoes,
Find your own way home.
Toto

I took an IQ test……….the results were negative

333…… I’m only half evil

The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity

Make something idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot

Few women admit their age, few men act it

Chocolate: Catnip for the feminine world

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

I'm not paranoid, just terribly, terribly alert....

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS

I brake for... wait... AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!
some funny sayings
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsabrielanddestial:
sabrielanddestial Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2016  Student Traditional Artist
This made my day
Reply
:iconnatures-freak:
Natures-Freak Featured By Owner Edited Sep 25, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
A boy killed a honey bee and his dad said no honey for a week
later the boy killed a butterfly and his dad said no butter for a week
later the boys mother killed a cockroach and the boy looked at his dad and said should I tell her or will you
Reply
:iconzeusthefox:
Zeusthefox Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2016  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
"Make something idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot"

Amen.
Reply
:iconcoughing-doggie:
CoUGHING-DOGGIE Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2015  Student Digital Artist
"On the other hand, you have fingers."
 Man that was so confusing but once i got it it was really funny
Reply
:iconnightwing5200:
Nightwing5200 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
My sis is so gullible, she'd probably send the thousand bucks
Reply
:iconagirlapencilandaplan:
AGirlAPencilAndAPlan Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
"Ok... so what's the speed of dark?"
That made me laugh
Reply
:icondewinthesky:
dewinthesky Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2015  Student Artist
hilarious! this gets an automatic favorite from me  because the sayings made me laugh. :)
Reply
:iconkirbytails22:
Kirbytails22 Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I love them! XD
Reply
:iconhobbywriter:
HobbyWriter Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
"Everyone is born right handed, only the gifted overcome it."
 I liked this one (left-handed)
Reply
:iconzeusthefox:
Zeusthefox Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2016  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Me too (Also Left handed :D)
Reply
:iconhobbywriter:
HobbyWriter Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Funny? Some of these were outright hillarious.
Reply
:iconkaalalilee:
KaalaLilee Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014
Haha, these are really funny! I read them to my brother, and he had a fit laughing at the marshmallow one XD
Reply
:iconguineapig590:
guineapig590 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014
If your parents don't have kids, odds are you won't either
Reply
:iconidasonicfan:
Idasonicfan Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2013
"All men are animals"
Soooo true:D
Reply
:iconthief-in-darkness:
Thief-in-darkness Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2013  Student Writer
These are awesome
Reply
:iconolgaondeviantart:
OlgaOnDeviantart Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2013
LOL MAKE MOAR!!!!! XD
Reply
:iconcheer603:
Cheer603 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013
these are great :)
Reply
:icon2brainsgirlie:
2brainsgirlie Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013
HAHAHA lmfao
Reply
:icondarkfire888:
darkfire888 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2013
thanks this was great
Reply
:icondisney0bsessoid5150:
Disney0bsessoid5150 Featured By Owner May 6, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
RESPECT.
Reply
:icongirloflightning:
GirlOfLightning Featured By Owner May 5, 2013
"Everyone is born right handed, only the gifted overcome it."

YES.
Reply
:iconmldyie:
mldyie Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013
:llama: :community:
Reply
:iconthexsilverxwolf:
ThexSilverxWolf Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2013
:lol: This is hilarious!
Reply
:iconreviseandedit:
ReviseAndEdit Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Some people are alive because its illegal to shoot them... :iconbitchpleasememeplz: dang right
Reply
:iconfrozenfire4713:
FrozenFire4713 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
For me, any law with even one word contains about fifty loopholes :plotting:
Reply
:iconnightwing5200:
Nightwing5200 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
If I need a lawyer I'll call you then
Reply
:icongorillazlover101:
Gorillazlover101 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I read some to my mom and dad... they lafghed
Reply
:iconcyanloss:
cyanloss Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Llama :)
Reply
:iconb81996:
B81996 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
Awsome!!
Reply
:icontenshiinuzuka34:
TenshiInuzuka34 Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is mostly witty.. I love it
Reply
:iconxxalexnightfirexx:
XxAlexNightfirexX Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hahaha
Reply
:icongothicprincess18:
gothicprincess18 Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
i was choking on my drink by #5!!!!!!!!!! hahahahhahahh nice! when my science teacher asks what the two most commen elements are, i will say "hydrogen and stupidity"
Reply
:iconone-eyehitomi:
One-eyeHitomi Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Student General Artist
Frucking yes. XD
Reply
:iconruetris:
RueTris Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Student Photographer
lol
Reply
:iconeurybiades:
eurybiades Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
YOU ARE A GOD,
unfortunately, i believe that you are missing one, "never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience"
Or, "Nothing is more powerful than stupid people in large groups"
funny how large religions are...
Reply
:iconfrozenfire4713:
FrozenFire4713 Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I have no words.... :rofl:
Reply
:iconthelastamericangirl:
thelastamericangirl Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I know!! LOL
Reply
:icondaemon-san:
Daemon-san Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
"When all else fails, read the instuctions"... What if your life fails?
Reply
:iconkaferara:
Kaferara Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
My favorite? Some people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them. SO TRUE!
Reply
:icontinyliar:
tinyliar Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
heres another
this plan is foolproof and im just the fool to proove it!
Reply
:iconbutler-fangirl:
butler-fangirl Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
hahaha my pillows gone :rofl:
Reply
:iconkonson2012:
konson2012 Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2012  Student Writer
YES!!! THESE ARE AWESOME!!! XD THANK YOU!!!!
Reply
:iconsirmeta:
SirMeta Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012
OMG I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING!!!
Reply
:iconhappygirl21:
happygirl21 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012
oh my gosh i cant breath im laughing so hard!!!!!!!! that is amazing!!!!
Reply
:iconyukai-yami:
Yukai-yami Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012
"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film."
I wish I could use this excuse in tests...
Reply
:iconanisahmajeed:
anisahmajeed Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
"Everyone is born right handed, only the gifted overcome it."

I'm left handed :)
Reply
:iconmike7201:
Mike7201 Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
DONT CLICK THIS LINK -------> [link]
Reply
:icong4m3r-g123:
G4m3r-G123 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
How could you? I liked my soul!
Reply
:icongakuenalice4ever:
GakuenAlice4Ever Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2012
... why?
Reply
:iconmike7201:
Mike7201 Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love this one ---> Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Reply
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